Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Amongst other things..

A suspected confirmed tornado hit the houses on my block this morning. You can see a report here. I live about a hundred feet from where the reporter is standing.

I was awake and in the loo. It roared for about a minute and water poured in through the bathroom window like someone was spraying it in with a hose. The house shook.

A few houses on the street lost their roofs. My roof is intact.

I went back to sleep, only to be woken up by cops and firemen banging on my door as they evacuated the neighborhood.

Since I was fast asleep, they had to bang on the door real hard.

As is apparent, my life is very exciting.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Overheard in the elevator

"Hey, I see you a lot around these days. What are you working on?"

"Something completely useless"

"But publishable?"

>Laughter<

"You know, when I was at Lehigh, we used to say that a drug is something that when injected into a rat, produces a paper"

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

A story for PGP

Here's one that I first told the night before Holi eleven years ago, at a tin-roofed chai shop, over hot chai and chhota gold flakes. At the time, I was a sophomore at SWITBEI (Somewhat Well-known Institute of technology in Bumblefuck, Eastern India).

**

SWITBEI is located, amongst other things, at the site of a former political prison where freedom-fighters were tortured *and* the place where the USAAF XX bomber command (the one that later dropped the Atom Bomb), was headquartered for the better part of the war. There were several airfields within a radius of a few miles, some of them used for staging air-transport operations over the Hump to supply China, and others for air-defence. Three of them are used by the IAF to this day - one as an airbase, the other the site of a large ground control site, and the third as a bombing range. Others lie abandoned - surreal concrete runways standing out amongst fields of paddy and tall grass - the planes, aviators and hangars have long since disappeared. The military has a sizable presence in the area - there is a large Army-EME establishment right next to SWITBEI, and there are Eastern Frontier Rifles have barracks near-by.

Sophomore year was also when I discovered the blessed plant - supply being cheap and plentiful in those parts.

**

We had decided that Holi would be celebrated in a celebratory haze. Bhang was considered an inefficient way of doing it (takes too long)- we were all about smoking it up. Me and a few other herb lovers set off to find the perfect place to get stoned. The old runway beyond the fields of the agriculture engg department was decided to be one such place.

The runway stands at least a mile away from the nearest road, separated by a huge expanse of tall grass. There are a few high power transmission lines in the distance, and a couple of villages. There is an old dilapidated radar tower, and a couple of watchtowers, but nothing of note for miles around. This being bumblefuck, the villages don't really have electricity. The train lines running to chennai can also be seen far away. You can almost see all the way to the horizon, only to be occasionally interrupted by clumps of trees here and there.

I had been to the runway once before, the night they shut down all the lights on campus so that you could have a clear view of the Leonid meteor showers - I remembered lying on my back on the grass and counted 300 shooting stars in the space of a few hours. So i knew my way around. We crossed the fence and we set out for the mile long slog through knee-high grass. It was a beautiful night - thousands of stars in a crystal clear sky. I had few worries. All was well with the world.

I was the first to get on to the cracked concrete runway. The others followed through. We sat in a circle and started rolling. SD had brought along a portable boom-box, and there was Floyd playing. A couple other first-timers had brought bottles of Old Monk, in case the green stuff wasn't to their liking. Off in the distance, two passenger trains crossed each other window-spotted caterpillar-like - the view uninterrupted such that we could see their entire lengths on both sides.

AB was the first to notice the man walking towards our little gaggle. "Shit, i hope its not a guard". We quickly stubbed our stuff out and hid it. As the man came closer, it was apparent to us that this was not a watchman - but a military officer of some sort, in a khaki uniform. This wasn't entirely surprising, because the EFR barracks were only a couple of miles away. We were clearly in trouble.

"Who are you chaps?", he said.

AB looked at his watch, and said, "Um, students"

"Students? What are you doing here?"

"Enjoying the night, sir"

I had already noticed that the man's accent was rather *english*, and then he said, rather sternly, "You have to clear the runway and come with me. The planes are about to land."

"Planes? here?"

At this point, we looked up, and saw that the sky was overcast. Over pouring rain, we could hear the drone of planes circling overhead. There were hundreds of twin-engined propellor planes lined up in the hardstands along the side. The officer was yelling at us by now, as a plane touched down at the end of the runway, and headed toward us. We got up and scattered. I set out to make my way to the road, and the safety of SWITBEI. I could see the planes landing one by one.

Then a huge blue arc of electricity raced down the high voltage lines and the planes were gone. It was no longer raining. The sky was clear.

I ran the three or so miles to the western gate without a break. So did the others. We reached the institute watchman's shack. He was puzzled to see us drenched.

"Kaise bheeg gaye?"

"Baarish mein"

"Kaunsi baarish"

We were scared to death and tired, and in desperate need for some warmth. So we headed back to the chai-shop next to the dorm, eager to tell our story to the regular crowd there.

**

I ordered my third double chai. Bangu lit up another chhota, and said, "Either you are making it all up, or all of you hallucinated because of the G"

"It's possible I am making this all up," I said, "It's also possible that all of us hallucinated, difficult as it may have been for all of us to hallucinate about the same thing at the same time. And how do you explain the fact that we are all drenched? In any case, it's up to you to believe me.. I am not going to prove it to you."

"The first one is easy to confirm", V.K. said. "We can go there and see if the ground is wet. If it isn't, they are making it up, since if they got drenched, and the thing really happened, the ground would have to be wet too."

I told them I was too tired for an excursion. So VK and bangu decided to retrace our steps and I went to bed.

I must tell you here that the reason I was drenched was because we'd had a water fight after we had spent a couple of hours getting stoned on the roof of the dorm, that night. The runway was too far, and we were far too lazy.

**

Sometime late at night, there was a knock on my door.

"(My nickname), you m*%&@, wake up. Something's wrong with bangu!"

I stumbled groggy eyed into the lobby of the dorm. V.K. had rushed to his room and was refusing to speak to anyone. Bangu was sitting on a plastic chair - pale, drenched, chain-smoking and mouthing something about a "Saala C-47's pankhaa" having almost cut his head off. We coaxed him into bed.

The next day I asked him what a C-47 was. "How the f&#* do i know?" he said. I would quiz both him and VK occasionally, but they never really spoke about that night again.

In hindsight, two things stand out in my head. The first is that the sky had been absolutely clear all night, so I don't know how he got drenched. The second is some thing I would get to know years later - that the C-47 was the USAAF designation for a prop-driven transport plane that was widely used during the operations over the hump. Whether bangu knew of it at the time, it is impossible to tell - he claimed he didn't. This having happened before the internets had come in a big way to india, I like to believe him. I also like to believe that on an abandoned airfield in Bumblefuck that Holi night, strange things happened in a way I had imagined they would.

**

Monday, May 21, 2007

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Minimal symbolic art

*
^
)
&
>
:


Untitled (2007)
By randomly choosing symbols from an array of special characters, the artist becomes a selector - a mere agent of nature - thus breaking the inevitable link between creator and created

Friday, May 11, 2007

Once by the pacific


The shattered water made a misty din.
Great waves looked over others coming in,
And thought of doing something to the shore
That water never did to land before.
The clouds were low and hairy in the skies,
Like locks blown forward in the gleam of eyes.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Tag-tag

In response to BM's this here tag, and after a lot of coaxing

1. I talk in my sleep. Not just babble, but carry out entire conversations in seemingly logical ways. It's cause for much consternation amongst people who attempt to do it, especially gfs attempting pillow talk.

2. I am mentally playing some beat or the other, and consequently tapping my fingers on something all the time, or tapping them against each other to keep count (in sort of a cigarette tapping motion)

3. Every time a plane lines up at one end of the runway and accelerates to take off, the song "Highway to the danger zone" from Top Gun plays in my head.

4. I am terrified of piled up laundry. As it lies in a corner of my bedroom, I tiptoe around so as to not wake it up.

5. When I am at a cliff edge, I am always tempted to peep over it to see what lies below. This applies to hiking, but also life in general.

6. My fridge still has the bowl of hummus that I made (it didn't turn out well) last summer. It's green and hairy now. These days, it has taken to scurrying to the back when I open the fridge.

7. I can spend days lying back in my chair and listening to music. When I get into that phase, I don't step out of the house and can usually get by with one meal a day.

8. I obsessively count how much sleep I get. The most sleep deprived I have ever been was when I stayed up for 88 hours with 2 hours of sleep. The second most sleep deprived was 83 hours with 3 hours of sleep.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

A time to act

This thing - it has gone on for too long. It makes me disgusted of myself and irritable all the time. Every day when I look into the mirror, it's not the bloodshot eyes or the stubble that hasn't been trimmed for weeks that bother me - its this thing i have to face as I stare at my reflection.

It happens to me from time to time, you know. It's easy to not watch out and keep track of what you are up to when life gets a tad busy. You think you are all out of it, and you slowly slip back into old ways. The last time was a few months ago - but that was winter, but then I at least have the excuse that winters are depressing. This time around, I didn't even realize.

But there is still hope. There always is. In fact, what surprises me is how easy the remedy is, and how in spite of it, I allow myself to be this way.

An elderly arabic gentleman who lives in my neighborhood and plays the Oud will be my saviour. For today is hair-cut day.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

My first ever, ever tag (I lie)

In response to the tag by revealed:

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it

Scar across my chin. Picked up in a fight that involved an argument over the color of a pumpkin. After much debate about whether a kaddu is orange or green, was decided to settle the issue with a fistfight. Tables were overturned, bottles broken - all Amitabh Bachhan and Vinod Khanna in Amar-Akbar-Anthony style.

Oh wait, or was it just the elder brother beating the shit out of me for no reason?

Either ways, stitches and a scar.

2. What is on the walls of your room?

Photographs taken across the world, a couple of pieces of art by a friend, and some tribal art from Central India and Orissa.

3. What does your phone look like?

Black RAZR. Dark like the night, sharp like me. (sheesh)

4. What music do you listen to?

Anything really.

5. What is your current desktop picture?

This little sketch - titled "the awkward crush"

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
I want YOU for the US Army

7. For you believe in gay marriage?
I think gay marriage is for fags...

8. What time were you born?
Musically speaking, about twenty five years too late.

9. Are your parents still together?
yes. holding hands in a giant green field surrounded by sunshine,butterflies, daffodils and fuzzy kittens.

10. What are you listening to?
The moron in the cubicle next to mine yelling at his kid for not doing homework. Personally, I would have shot the kid.

11. Do you get scared of the dark?
Don't you know who i *am*? I'm the *juggernaut*, bitch!

12. The last person to make you cry?
ex-gf who made me cut onions whenever she felt like cooking Indian food for friends she kept inviting over, like, every other day.

13. Favorite perfume?
Burberry Touch for women

14. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in a person of the opposite sex?
Black hair with red highlights. Brown eyes.

15. Do you like pain killers?

mmm... porno.

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Er.. look at my answer to question 5 above.

17. Favorite pizza topping?
Weed. Seriously. Have you *tried* it??

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Shot of jack and a burger to go with it

19. Who was the last person you made mad?
BM, by making her wait as I typed up this post. And man, does she get cranky or what! I don't think you want to find out..

20. Is anyone in love with you?
Tsk, what is this thing called lau?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

how to ruin a good picture..

XYZ: When are you posting?

Heh heh: Can’t think of anything. How about a pic?

XYZ: fine

Heh heh: ok, i'm sending you a pic. please to suggest a suitable caption. And i want it done pronto

XYZ: ok

i'll try and think up something dirty :)

Heh heh: i doubt you will, once you look at it

XYZ: oh no

is it something deep?

Haven’t we discussed my allergy towards all things deep?

Heh heh: not deep. just nice. you will like.

XYZ: ok

send

Heh heh: sent

XYZ: it is a very pretty picture

Ok - i am thinking something about hero heroine walking to sunset

perhaps as a form of foreplay

(anything can be dirty if you try)

Heh heh: you are incorrigible. now think.

XYZ: ...then they walked hand-in-hand into the sunset, enveloped by their unshakable love and armed with trojans- ribbed for her pleasure.

Heh heh: yeah. but ribbed ones are unfair to the guy - lets go with ultra-thins

XYZ: fine

ultra-thins for enhanced sensation

see that doesn’t work as well as ribbed for her pleasure

Heh heh: it does. for the guy.

XYZ: hahahahaha

and I am incorrigible?

Heh heh: you are the one who brought condoms into a very beautiful picture

XYZ: i know but it is much too much to have a pretty picture with earnest caption

silly is good

Heh heh: yeah. but i feel like being earnest. Now, what do you think?

XYZ: the sky is incredibly blue.

See, this is the sort of nonsense i say when i am trying to be earnest

XYZ: seriously - the plane represents their soaring desires

Heh heh: You are hopeless

**


XYZ: post!

Heh heh: will do.

you still haven’t given me a decent caption

XYZ: i can’t do earnest

Heh heh: then do funny

XYZ: i did!

Heh heh: otherwise i'll post that pic and this chat conversation

XYZ: i am not afraid of you

as long as you spell check

oh wait

this is the crush conversation

i hate you

Heh heh: oh, i'm not cruel

i'll just put the bits about the condoms

and let people know the kind of dirty-minded friends i have

Heh heh: And the post will be titled 'how to ruin a good picture..'


[1] Photo taken from an unnamed off Netarts, Oregon

Precipice

This is one my favorite pictures, taken about half-way down smith's rock (the rock-face to the left), a volcanic formation in Oregon - a lone climber standing at at a cliff-edge directing his friends who are climbing up this 800 foot free-standing spire of rock called monkey face (what you see here is the head - the 'face' is to the other side). Monkey face, the rock and the climber are framed in the background by Mt Scott, a dormant volcano.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Service Interruption

Ladies and Gentlemen,
I'm off to another one of my week-long hikes - will come back with pictures. Blogging will be restricted for the next week or so.
Meanwhile, you can enjoy this pic of her royal highness.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Another railroad story

Down by the gates to a well known institute of technology in eastern India is a railway line with a single track. It is not used much - two or at most three sluggish freight trains tugged by a couple of straining engines pass by every day. But this is a special railroad - going beyond the shacks that line it to the left and a crumbling wall to the right, you are transported into a land of paddy fields, abandoned world war airfields and the memories of all those who have passed by this way. A place frozen in time - a magical railroad of the mind.

If you walk down those tracks, you will see them balancing along the rails, arms extended to their sides, with the tips of their fingers almost, but not quite, touching... he a skinny, lanky sort of a guy with long, disheveled hair, wearing a hoodie that has "Metallica" written at the front and "Seek and destroy" at the back. She is in a blue t-shirt and black jeans. The shirt has something written on it. Or maybe not. Her straight hair is tied up in a ponytail that swishes to and fro. He's a novice at this - she, on the other hand, could be a tightrope walker. From time to time he slips, and she laughs at him and goads him on.

They are in no hurry. All that was needed to be done has been done. Their friends are gone, and tomorrow, they will also head on to separate lives thousands of miles away. In fact (and somewhat unfortunately that this is the sole reason) they are walking the railroad together only because there is nobody else left with whom they could hang out, and some company is better than no company - they are only the barest of acquaintances otherwise.

We will skip the next couple of hours of laughter and inane conversation about what lies ahead in their respective lives (it is the last day of college, after all) and go straight to the point where they reach a tiny railroad station - one of the innumerable ones that dot the Indian countryside - one or two trains per day affairs where the station master doubles up as both the signalman and the linesman *and* the booking clerk. Miraculously though, they find a tea-seller, and legs dangling over the side of the low station wall, they have spicy lemon tea of the kind this part of the country is famous for.

This is not a love story. There is no holding of hands, or kissing or hugging here. Our protagonists are going to be careful not to resort to anything that all you harsh readers might call overly sentimental. They will never be in love - although truth be told - as she sits by his side, delicately sipping tea from a glass, he does feel a pang of regret that he never got to know her better. You might call this the story of a distant-could-have-been - not necessarily a unique one, or even one that substantially stands out, for that matter, because the unrealized possibilities of our short lives always vastly outnumber those upon which we act.

The sun sets into an uninterrupted horizon of paddy fields. The station master walks out and chats with them. He doesn't think it is a good idea for them to walk back - it will be dark soon. He has a better idea - a two engine combination is on its way to the steel plants to the west to be deployed on a freight train - it could drop them off. He flags it down, and they make the journey back in the engine driver's cabin - the driver proudly showing off his knowledge of how a diesel locomotive works. She loses interest and nods off to sleep against his shoulder.

It takes a scant half hour. He walks her back to her dorm. He will not be allowed inside, and they don't really know each other enough to promise to stay in touch, so he shakes her hand at the gate. What follows is recorded rather distinctly:

"I don't suppose I will see you again. Good luck."
"Yeah, I don't suppose. Good luck to you too"
A lone tear spills over onto her cheek. She giggles nervously.
"Bye"
"Bye"

The story is not over yet. This could have been a possible ending, but good stories don't end this way, and statements about people never seeing each other again usually turn out to be untrue.

Years later, as he steps out of a bar on the lower east side of New York City to clear his head of alcohol, he will run into her. She will have with her a toddler - her own. They will exchange pleasantries, email addresses and phone numbers. Meanwhile, the little one will make known quite vocally his displeasure at not being the sole focus of her attention. She will give in and and agree to leave soon. The kid will head to the edge of the kerb, and start to walk along - arms outstretched to keep his balance. She will smile, and loudly admonishing the kid for walking along the edge, follow him into the night.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Old Pictures

Do you ever wonder about that place-where-forgotten-memories-go? I imagine it to be like an old age home where the elderly sit around the dining table - complaining about children who never visit. Elated when we revisit them after years of neglect, only to have their hearts broken again as we, unable to resist the seductive pull of a future full of uncertain possibility, leave for a place far, far away.

Sometimes they run the risk of being abandoned entirely. When that happens, we put them on the-list-of-endangered-memories, like the name of the girl in this picture (the first love of my naive teenage) - a memory that has been granted protected status for the sole reason that it has been forgotten several times.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Cricket and an old man

Cricket is the only sport (apart from basketball) that I actually *care* about. Part of this has to do with the fact that like any self-respecting Maharashtrian, I grew up playing gully-cricket. (I bowl a mean googly, and my straight drives are quite respectable). But a large part comes from many years spent with my cricket crazy Nana (maternal grandfather).

On days on which India played a game, Nana would refuse to leave his favorite chair by the T.V.. He had an old black-and-white T.V. set that for many years he refused to upgrade to a color one. I believe it was a BPL. Not that it would have made a difference - he didn't see much at his age.

He had been a cricket player in his day, a strapping, handsome young man - he played university, but never really found the time to devote himself exclusively to it. He was old by the time I grew up - the only time I saw him play was as a kid - at a seniors game when he was well into his sixties, and he could still bowl at a pace that I would not have dared face. His proboscis of a nose, which is shared by all of us on my mum's side, was bent to the right because of a ball hit from a pacer back in the day when helmets were unheard of.

He died during the India-South Africa series in 2000, after a short illness. I wasn't there, but I was later told that one of his last lucid questions was about the score.

To this day, a game of cricket evokes in me a vision of a thin, aged Nana peering into the screen through thick glasses from less than a foot away - his face lit up in equal parts by the glow of phosphor and the thrill of the game - belting out a running commentary and pumping his frail arms when a sixer was hit or an opposition wicket fell.

update: There are newer shinier things to the right. A lot of growing up music, and some new stuff - all videos. Click and Enjoy. :)

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Sunday, March 11, 2007

gaaah

A new amigo's joined over at my bagelerie. As bagels go, my place makes some of the best and finest bagels in Noo-Yawk city. It's a sunday ritual for me - i wake up all bright-eyed and head over for breakfast. Now, if it's a normal sunday, steve-o behind the counter knows what I want, so as I a make a light and sweet coffee for myself, he slices a freshly made bagel down the middle and chucks it into the giant brick oven, till it gets a hard crust, which he then proceeds to slather in butter, roll up and hand over to me. A dollar for a bagel and a coffee. Brooklyn is cheap that way.

But today, something felt wrong the moment I picked up my 'package' and left the store. As I unrolled the butter-paper on the way back home, I realised that the bagel was soft. It had merely been warmed up in the microwave, as opposed to having been toasted. And as i, bracing myself for the soft squishiness that is a microwave warmed bagel, dug my teeth into it, I had the shock of my life. The new guy had, instead of using butter, smothered my bagel with a huge blob of *margarine*.

As fas as all things edible go, margarine is an abomination. It is a shitty, greasy, disgustingly squishy gloop that is fit only to make soap - and having worked in a soap-factory once upon a time, I know *exactly how*. An ersatz form of butter invented during one of the wars when the real stuff was in short supply, and food had to be rationed, margarine is one of those sad things (like marmite) that has just refused to go away, collectively hijacking our minds in some weird inanimate version of stockholm syndrome to the point where there are people who actually believe that margarine is good for you. And especially despicable are those forms of margarine (yeah, they go under other names like "vegetable spread"), that claim to be healthier than butter owing to their lower cholesterol/fat content.

If there is a hell, I imagine it is full of stale bagels, bowls of margarine, and only microwave ovens to warm them.

Friday, March 09, 2007

the most beautiful girl in the world

Meet L, my foster-dog. She loves nothing more than having her chin scratched and her tummy rubbed. Apologies for the crappy picture quality. It's a camera-phone snap.

Ok, now, collectively, 1... 2... 3... "Awwwww"

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

a post with the picture missing

at the foot of the wall, a figure sits hunched over a paper-plate containing some rice and daal. Impossibly thin, sinewy arms poke out of a threadbare blanket thrown around its shoulders to keep the winter morning chill out.

He has a stubble and a bony head that makes him look ancient. A few tattered rags cover his wispy white hair. Thick dirty glasses dominate the face - their frame held together by some kind of tape - probably the result of long-ago operation to remove cataracts in some rural eye camp around here. I doubt he can see anything but the vaguest of blurs.

As he hungrily shovels food into his mouth, I consider taking a picture. But something about the idea strikes me as sacrilegious, so I put my camera away. He notices me and turns to look up. Hugely magnified eyes crinkle up and, like a burst of fireworks, a giant toothless grin reaches out from ear to ear on his shriveled face.